How is it possible that we live in a time when we have more access to information than ever in human history and yet most of us aren't able to do, be or get what we want? We don't have the jobs we want, the money we want, the homes we want, the health, the friends or the love we want, etc. How can that be?
And yet it appears we’ve become a culture obsessed with "How to". Why do we believe that if we just knew "How to" do something or get something or fix a situation everything would workout, be great and we'd get “there”? Have goal a to write a book, script or an EP? Well someone else has written a how to. What to get in great shape, open a business, do yoga, build a house, eat healthy, learn to cook, write code, get a job, run for office, make money, make friends, learn to sing, dance, or even fall in love? You can learn the "How to" do all these things and more through books, articles, podcasts and online. So what's the problem? What's stopping us? How is it possible that even with all this information most of us, day after day, year after year are still standing in the same place?
And it’s not that we can’t get motivated. We can hire someone to help with that or even read a book on how to get motivated.
What I'm discovering is the "How to" is actually a short cut... we want the "How to" find happiness. The "How to" fall in love. The "How to" make money or the "How to" get healthy, sexy or fit, etc. As Brene Brown so simply says, "If we really want to live a joyful, connected, and meaningful life, we must talk about the things that get in the way."
We get caught in the trap of "How to" because it's easier and seems like it makes sense. We think it's a short cut to our goals. Why climb over the mountain if we could just go through it. I'll reiterate, if it's just about the "How to" how is it that so many of us are still standing in the same place, still broke, still unhappy, still fat, still alone, still sad, still sick and still stuck?
It's time to start talking about the things that are in the way or holding us back. It's time to start looking at why we eat the way we do even through we know it's bad for us, making us fat or even sick. It's time to start talking about why we are broke and have a bad relationship with money or why our love, dating and even family relationships don't work. It's time to start talking about why we would go to a job everyday that we don't absolutely love. It's time to start talking about why we are so scared, so fearful, so tormented with anxiety and hiding behind being busy that we aren't addressing the reality that our lives our passing us by. We only have this one life, this one experience and as Robin Sharma says, "Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life."
Let get authentic, let's get open, let's get vulnerable and start talking about what's in the way. What keeps us stuck in fear, scarcity and anxiety? Let’s put the “How to” in the rear view and start a new conversation.
So I’ll start, I'm afraid I'm not good enough, smart enough, creative, healthy or good looking enough. I'm afraid I won't be enough, do enough or produce enough. I'm scared that I won't be able to create enough for my family or myself so we can all have great lives and I'll be letting them down. I'm afraid I'll never live into my potential and I’ll be thought of as a disappointment. I’m afraid people won’t like me and that I'll never really love myself enough so I can truly and deeply love others. But what I'm most afraid of is what if I do? What if I do write a bunch of books, make all the money, and have deep loving connected relationships with friends and family? What if I do have long waiting lists for high paying clients, and leave a massive impact or mark on the world? What then? Who will I be then? What might I have to give up?
What about you? What's actually in the way of you living a happy, satisfying and fulfilling life?
“Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism. Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”