For years a man's confidence seemed to be based on the size of his... Wallet.
Or the logo on his car, the women on his arm, the chisel of his jawline. And here's the thing, it's easy to be confident when things are going well, and you have it all, but a man's true confidence is demonstrated when things aren't going well, when he faces challenging times, and when the winds aren't blowing in his sails.
See, the problem with confidence coming from money, a woman, a car, or anything else is that it only takes a moment for them to vanish. A woman can leave, a business can fall on hard times, the money can disappear, and looks fade. If a man's confidence depends on things outside of himself, he is living in false confidence or a temporary state of confidence.
Anything outside of us or that depends on the opinion of others can vanish faster than it was created. True confidence isn't temporary or gained through a result. True and sustaining confidence is an inside job, developed, practiced, and established within.
Life is an endless ebb and flow, up and down, winning and losing journey. So if you want to be a more confident man, the following five areas are the key. If you are strong and grounded in these areas, you will be confident no matter where life takes you.
The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Building True Confidence
The first aspect of true confidence is emotional intelligence. Why? Because our emotions and our feelings inform us about who we are. They are data points that provide valuable information about ourselves and our relationship to the world around us. If we are disconnected from our feelings and our emotions, it's like turning ourselves into a productivity robot. While we can do and do and do, we miss the actual experience of life. We might struggle to connect with others and identify our blind spots.
Additionally, when we lack emotional intelligence, we cannot powerfully lead ourselves, our families, or our companies. Our whole sense of self and worth becomes about production and results. We are not robots. We are humans and unique because our lives are so much more valuable than just productivity and results.
A man who is disconnected from understanding and being able to work with his feelings and emotions will be a man disconnected from a true sense of self, a man who can never form a deep connection with his partner, his children, or his friends, and a man who will never be able to appreciate or share the life he has built and created. It's tough to be truly confident when you are so disconnected.
Self Awareness closely follows emotional intelligence because to be self-aware, one must be able to identify emotions and feelings. It also requires confidence to understand and admit that you are stuck, challenged, or need help.
An arrogant, irrational, hard-headed man functions without help, support, or the knowledge that he doesn't know everything. His false confidence is his greatest weakness because he believes in the lone wolf myth. He doesn't realize that wolves run in packs, work together, eat well, and stay alive, and a wolf that goes at it alone scavenges for scraps and sleeps with one eye open.
A man who has self-awareness deeply understands his strengths and weaknesses and understands where he has it under control and where he needs help. He can see the truth of who he is, which helps him relate and connect to others and expand into the man he wants to become.
Another aspect of true confidence is the ability to be empathetic, kind, and understanding. Everyone is on their own unique journey facing their own challenges. Men who only wear a mask of confidence put down others, judge and criticize others, expect others to live as they are living and have no heart or softness for the challenges or hardships others face.
A truly confident man isn't attached to where others are or aren't on their journey. He is more concerned with how he can love and support another. He has compassion and empathy for the challenges others face because he has experienced his own challenges and hardships. A confident man knows that feeling isn't a weakness, and feeling for others makes a man more able to connect with and impact others.
Empathy and Compassion: The Hallmarks of a Confident Man
A confident man is kind because why would he not be? He has nothing to lose or fear because he knows he will always thrive and overcome challenges. Anyone or any circumstance doesn't threaten a genuinely confident man because he knows that everything is happening for him, can overcome any challenge, and will learn and grow stronger from every challenge.
Everyone is unique, and we come in different shapes, colors, and vastly different backgrounds, cultures, and billions of unique ideas and thoughts. A man who isn't confident is threatened by what he doesn't like, know, or understand. He dislikes uniqueness and differences and is threatened by people's individuality.
His confidence depends on the approval of others. A confident man embraces all the differences and uniqueness the world and people have to share. He knows that each foreign expression people share or show up with is a new lesson or opportunity that can enhance the group and himself. He loves the unknown and is not afraid of it because he understands that is where the possibility exists and his next great opportunity.
One of the significant signs of a genuinely confident man is a man who has given up his attachment to judgment and sizing up others and embraces the endless differences the world and people have to offer. A confident man is inclusive, believes in diversity, and includes everyone and everything, knowing everyone has something they can provide, and a rising tide raises all ships. The more ideas and authentic people show up, the greater the possibility and rewards for all.
Confident Men Don't Fake It: The Power of Authenticity and Trust
The final attribute of a truly confident man is the ability to be authentic and trust himself. Unconfident men are like chameleons; they shape shifts to fit in everywhere because they don't trust they will be accepted as they are. Insecure men are also hard-headed and unwilling to understand that their authenticity is malleable and can adapt with wisdom and experiences.
They dig too deep into "this is who I am" and are unwilling to change or adjust. A confident man trusts himself and who he is and is willing to show up vulnerably and openly to change new things. He has faith in his boundaries and understands he can learn through his mistakes. He knows failure and missteps provide opportunities for growth and expansion.
Growth and development demand a level of confidence because they require us to admit that we are not perfect, that we do not know everything, and with experience, wisdom, and vulnerability, a confident man takes on new challenges, improves his listening, speaking, and leadership and can expand who he is and his impact.
Becoming a confident man is easy, but it isn't simple. It demands practice, feedback, deep listening, understanding, and surrender. If you want to become a more confident man, you must admit you have room to grow and learn, creating the space for your potential expansion.
There are various ways to learn to become more confident, and one is you could work with a coach or mentor, someone you see these attributes within, who can support and guide your transformation. Another is joining a men's group or exploring these topics in a community where you can be held accountable for growth and change.
Regardless of how you become more confident, do it with an open heart, be vulnerable, accept others, be kind and generous, and be willing to mess up, be wrong, and apologize. The world needs more truly confident men. Our partners, our children, and our communities need us too.
If you would like support in growing your confidence, finding a men's group, a men's retreat, or working with me as a coach, contact me at Alex@thedreammason.com
Looking for a super easy way to join a virtual men's group and community? Look no further than The Torch! For just $50 a month, any man looking to grow and become a better version of themselves can join this group and connect with men from all over the world. You're expected to join at least two calls per month, but with just an hour of commitment each week, it's a no-brainer.
You'll find a safe space in these calls to share your stresses, burdens, and challenges without being judged or given unsolicited advice. The mini-lessons on empowering topics such as mindset, relationships, commitment, and healthy masculinity will ignite some fire within you. The leaders, Alex and Bob, help the men set intentions and celebrate their honesty while also building relationships with each other. Plus, members can access a private online community to share wins and give and get support and advice.
Not sold on The Torch? Then consider the Alchemy of Men Retreat, happening in Fairview, Utah from June 7-11. This retreat is for any man who is interested in personal and professional growth, becoming a better partner and parent, and creating brotherhood with other growth-minded men. Whether you're looking for private rooms, shared rooms, or even a tent option for the outdoorsman, there's a range of investment levels to suit everyone's needs.
For 5 days and 4 Nights, men will enjoy nature, meals by a New York 5-Star Chef, and a 10,000 sq foot house with a sauna, jacuzzi, and cold plunge. The retreat focuses on creating peace, connection, purpose, and clarity in your life. So, what are you waiting for? Sign up now or share this with the men in your life who could benefit from it!
For more info checkout www.Alchemyofmenretreat.com
If you or the men in your life have questions about any of the above, just email Alex@thedreammason.com.
And remember you can also check out my other blog posts: