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There I said it.

I had a profound meditation this past weekend where I received a huge awareness around my historical relationships with men.

Simply put. Men have been a threat to me for as long as I can remember. I feel this began with the loss of my father at the age of seven.

Men would take something away from me or never give it. So why bother knowing them?

If you were weaker and smaller than me you had no use to me. I would judge you.

If you were stronger and bigger I would either try to befriend you or avoid you.

If you were lucky enough to get in with me it wouldn’t take much to get thrown out.

Either way I lost out on the brotherhood of the masculine. Real connections with men. A real relationship to myself.

A benefit of this all was my comfort around women. I had no problem asking the hottest women out (see Shona Moeller), having a successful career in a female-dominated profession (as a registered nurse), or feeling safe showing my emotions and feelings.

One thing we will 100% do at The Alchemy of Men retreat is explored our relationships with other men and if they actually work.

And I know in my heart I don’t hate other men. I’ve just been scared of them and I no longer have to be.

Alex Terranova and I would love to have you at our retreat.

Send me a message to start the conversation.

October 26-30th Ashton Idaho"


After I read what Bob wrote I added this:

I know it took you a lot to share this. Thanks for doing that.

While my story isn't like yours, as soon as I started to like girls, my relationships with men either became a threat or maybe a friend I secretly had trouble trusting. My relationship with men, like yours, wasn't healthy, it wasn't empowered, and it wasn't fun. It was built on being a child with a Dad that scared me. So to me, men, from an early age, were scary or dangerous. It was always easy to be with women because they felt safe but didn't feel powerful. Power was dangerous and unsafe because the men I grew up seeing wield it were angry and loud.

My masculinity was wounded as it was dangerous. My feminine was wounded because it was weak.

I was wounded.

As I've reconstructed my beliefs and my mindsets around men and women, I can now see the power of women and the feminine. I can incorporate that, which has given me more success in business and relationships than I could have ever imagined. I can also now see how the power from the masculine can look healthy, safe, and supportive and create massive space for others to show up and shine. This has given me fantastic, healthy, fun, and deeply connected relationships with other men. It has allowed me to coach and support men who feel lost, stressed, alone, and disconnected from themselves and their partners.

Ultimately, we don't realize how our framework around the masculine and feminine controls our lives and often prevents us from living the lives we desire and are capable of.

Bob Conlin & Alex Terranova, Life and Businesses Coaches, Men's Coaches, Talk About Masculinity, their relationships with other men and their fathers.  The Alchemy of Men Retreat - Men's personal Growth


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